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Thursday, July 1, 2010

Rules of the Game

One more movie down, two to go.

Let me start off this post by saying, I've read the whole Twilight series, and I do see the draw it has for teenage girls.  If I was still a teenager I'd be all over it.  However, with the experience of age (and a few bad relationships under my belt), I just can't endorse the awful relationship Edward and Bella have.

But, I must say, the movies are a guilty pleasure.  They're so bad, they're fun to watch.  The best way to watch them is in the privacy of your own home, so you can mock them without fear of bodily harm. So grab the first two and prepare for an evening of blitzed glory.

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Take a sip when:
  • Jasper looks surprised
  • A guy other than Edward hits on Bella
  • Every time it rains.
  • Every time Bella puts herself needlessly in danger.

Take a shot whenever any of the following happens:
  • The word "beautiful" or "perfect" are said
  • Edward sparkles (only when you're drunk does a sparkly vampire make any sense)
  • Edward treats Bella like a little girl or child.
  • Jacob takes his shirt off.
Take two shots whenever Bella stumbles or does something clumsy (You know you want to be like her. Tequila will help you summon the inner clutz.)

Chug a beer for every longing stare Bella and Edward share.
Chug! Chug! Chug! Oh, God, Barney just puked!

After taking a look at this, maybe it's not such a good idea.  I'm pretty sure you'd get alcohol poisoning.


Anonymous said...

Haha. Not only would it cause alcohol poisoning, but I bet it would also cause a whole LOT of people to brashly attempt re-writing the series to prove how they could do better, when halfway through, they decide that better yet, they could be a Vampire, and show those twilight-goers what a real vamp is like...



Or maybe that's just something I would do.

Witless Exposition said...

Lol! A drunken mob would rush the line for Eclipse. It killed my soul last night when I went to the movies and saw these 16-20 yr old girls taking pictures with the poster outside the theater.

Anonymous said...

Ha, Ha 10 minutes in and you should have a good buzz. Funny!

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