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Thursday, September 30, 2010

Bloggerstock: Do Over

It's time for another round of everyone's favorite blogging game: Bloggerstock!

I'd like you guys to meet That Ain't Kosher, a native New Yorker that is everything you'd expect from her name.  A "colorful" vocabulary, a dose of attitude when needed, and a wicked sense of humor.  She also has great taste in music.  I guarentee her do-over is a lot more vivid than mine, but we'll get to that later.  And now here she is:



Hey Guys,

Nugs here from over at ThatAintKosher. There’s this thing called Bloggerstock, where a bunch of us signed up to switch sites for the day because we all thought it would be hilarious if Google crashed. It turns out that none of us are that powerful. Oh, well.

Anyway, I got assigned to hijack Witless Explosion’s blog today. This sucks for her, because I’m really not that funny and some of her followers will most likely stop reading. I'm sorry. Please still put up this post.

This month’s Bloggerstock topic was “Do-Over”- if your life had a rewind button, what event would you choose to alter so that the outcome played out differently? Despite the fact that this actually forced me to engage in some deep thought, I liked this topic because it allowed me to get the creative juices flowing.

Speaking of “juices,” I know exactly which moment in my life I would pick- the relinquishment of the V-Card. No amount of time spent reading Judy Blume or watching bloody horror movies could have prepared me for that uneventful misfortune.

Due to the fact that both of us combined had all the sexual experience of a hacky sack, it lasted about twelve seconds. I remember that it kind of felt like I was being attacked from the inside by an open-mouthed water moccasin. 

YIKES!

Also, I had given into the cliché of “sex on the beach,” so there was sand in pretty much every orifice of my body, not to mention under my fingernails and between my toes.

I had gone out with a group that night, so all my friends were about a hundred feet away, which left no room for any romantic encounters afterward. It was pretty much, “oh, was that it? OK, OW,” and then we walked (limped) back to the flock. Keep in mind that we were both in high school, so I wasn’t really expecting much of anything, but at least some reassurance would have been nice.

How would I have adjusted this experience to my liking?

First of all, I would have substituted my less-than-stellar partner with Sawyer from Lost. He’s used to island sex so I figure sand wouldn’t be an issue for him. 



Also, I probably would have shaken the rocks and seaweed out of my hair before heading back to my girlfriends because that definitely would have made it less obvious. Maybe I would have put a couple of pillows under my ass as well. Of course it’s not like I planned this whole thing, so I actually couldn’t have done this stuff.

Anyway, that’s my “do-over” moment. To read my Bloggerstock guest post by Puneeth, head over to my blog.

Sorry for the visual, BTW.



I think we can forgive you!  After watching six seasons of lost, I think every woman I know wishes he was their first.  I never could quite put my finger on the feeling of losing the V-card, but I think the water mocassin thing is pretty dead on.


If you're interested in my regrets (wish I had figured out a way to work in Sawyer), check out my post at StarGazer's blog Not the Only Dreamer.

5 comments:

That Ain't Kosher said...

Thanks for all the compliments! I'm also proud of my taste in music and my sense of humor, although I don't know which one is cooler (notice I didn't mention my modesty).

BTW, I'm heading over to read yours now...

theTsaritsa said...

Sand in the orifices. Not fun.

Sara said...

I love EVERYTHING about this.

CkretsGalore said...

Yeah I would totally do my first over again too. *shiver*
I can't even revisit. GAGBARFSONOTROMATICMOREWHITETRASHY

Certainly would pick someone hotter as well.

That Ain't Kosher said...

Aw, I love you guys too. <3 Sand in the crack = No more sexy times.

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