I'm open to any and all critiques!
The following sentences are the first six sentences for a piece I wrote for Enchanted Conversation's Rumpelstiltskin issue. Sadly it wasn't chosen. I've decided to go back and expand it, and then use it to dip my toe into Indie publishing.
It's a re-imagining of the fairy tale, set at the turn of the century in a cotton Mill. I tried to keep it fairly realistic, although some of the things that happen are a bit...unlikely. This excerpt is from the opening of the story.
Once again, let me know what you think!
Helen signed her name in the employee log and looked up smiling at Mr. Pincher. He raised his eyebrows when he looked at her neat handwriting.
“Not many of the girls here know how to write.” He said sliding the book toward him and placing it in his desk drawer. “You should be able to catch on quickly.”
“My father wants” her voice caught at the word, “I mean, wanted all of his children to read and write.”
I wanted to give a few nods to the setting in the beginning, so I thought the literacy would give the reader a heads up about the time period. Are there other details I could give in the opening to help settle the reader into the world of the story?
Knowing that it's based on a fairy tale, what would you expect from it?
Anything else you'd like to say about it?
