Six Sentence Sunday--Taking Liberty

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I'm getting close to the end of my serial story Taking Liberty. It's a story that I've been writing weekly (mostly, with some gaps) based on words provided by Three Word Wednesday.

It's the story of Elizabeth and Liberty: two classmates who after Liberty dies, find themselves in a battle over possession for Elizabeth's body.

This passage comes from later in the story, when Liberty starts showing more control over the situation.

Every muscle in my body turned to rigid steel.  My back slowly started arching; my bones audibly creaking. Everything around me went silent and black.

"Do you see what I can do to you?  Do you really want to fight me on this?" Liberty growled inside my skull.

So what do you think?  Intriguing enough to keep you reading?  If you've enjoyed this, please come back for future episodes of Taking Liberty.

Six Sentence Sunday

This excerpt comes from the beginning of my serial story, Taking Liberty. Elizabeth is at her classmate's funeral trying to comfort a friend.

I reached out to take her hand and give the blanket cliches that cover the ground at funerals.

The words caught in my throat.  My hand was shimmering, changing before my eyes.  I was vibrating, shot through with electricity, melting. Some...Other was waiting behind a dark curtain in my mind.  I could feel it there waiting.

Hope you enjoyed it.  Feel free to check out the rest of the story if you're so inclined.  Looking forward to seeing everyone else's great entries!

Six Sentence Sunday

Thanks to J.C. Martin, I found out about Six Sentence Sunday.  The name basically says it all, an Sunday you post six sentences from something you've written.

I'm open to any and all critiques!

The following sentences are the first six sentences for a piece I wrote for Enchanted Conversation's Rumpelstiltskin issue.  Sadly it wasn't chosen.  I've decided to go back and expand it, and then use it to dip my toe into Indie publishing.

It's a re-imagining of the fairy tale, set at the turn of the century in a cotton Mill.  I tried to keep it fairly realistic, although some of the things that happen are a bit...unlikely. This excerpt is from the opening of the story.

Once again, let me know what you think!

Helen signed her name in the employee log and looked up smiling at Mr. Pincher. He raised his eyebrows when he looked at her neat handwriting.

“Not many of the girls here know how to write.” He said sliding the book toward him and placing it in his desk drawer. “You should be able to catch on quickly.”

“My father wants” her voice caught at the word, “I mean, wanted all of his children to read and write.”  

I wanted to give a few nods to the setting in the beginning, so I thought the literacy would give the reader a heads up about the time period.  Are there other details I could give in the opening to help settle the reader into the world of the story?

Knowing that it's based on a fairy tale, what would you expect from it?

Anything else you'd like to say about it?