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Showing posts with label interesting or not. Show all posts
Showing posts with label interesting or not. Show all posts

Thursday, July 22, 2010

Would you keep reading?

Here's the opening of my (as yet) un-named Lilith novel.   I just wanted some feedback (I haven't revised or edited, so feel free to point out typos, etc) and see if you would keep reading.

Chapter One
“And God saw everything that he had made, and behold, it was very good.” Gen 1:31 KJV

I opened my eyes that first day, not knowing what a day was.  Not knowing who I was, or what that delicious warmth enveloping me was.  It was my first day, but it was the world’s sixth day.  I sat up and looked around me.

It would be hard for me to describe Eden to you in words that you can understand.  Think about the most beautiful garden.  One that’s full of life and color, without the need of retaining walls, pesticides, or laying out of beds.  The way the flowers grow naturally is perfect.  You don’t need to do anything but breath in the beauty.

My surroundings were overwhelming at first.  Not because the scene was so beautiful (in fact it was the most beautiful place I’ve seen since then as well), but simply because things were.  As I stood up and turned in a circle, tears fell from my eyes.

My breath caught as I saw a tan, soft figure lying on the ground.  I wasn’t scared, just surprised.  It’s eyes were closed and it’s chest was falling up and down.  I started to walk around this beautiful place, slightly wobbly, like a new-born colt.  

Soon however, I was bounding around, a beautiful sound coming from my throat as I flitted from tree to flower and finally to a small creek.

I looked into the water and saw a tan figure reflected at me.  It was similar to the figure on the ground, but curvier, finer boned.  I smiled and it smiled.  I reached out and touched the water, breaking the surface.

“How do you like your home?” A voice asked behind me.

I jumped up and turned around.  Standing there was a creature like me, but vastly different.  He was tall, muscled, but other than that, it was hard to tell.  His features kept shifting.  First he was dark, then light, then with long yellow hair, then short white hair.  No matter the face he had, he was smiling in a way that warmed me more than the sun or running around had.

“I do like it.” I stopped and frowned. “That’s not the right word.”

“Don’t worry, the right word will come.  Give me your hand, Lilith, there’s someone I want you to meet.”

I grasped his hand and followed him back to the other tan creature.  “This is Adam.  He’s to be your companion.”

I looked back up at this magical creature beside me and then back to this man, Adam.  “I’m not your companion?”

He laughed and hugged me.  “Yes and no.  I am a companion, but not in the way Adam is to be.  I made the two of you to be together.”  He let go of my hand and gestured for me to go to Adam.

Adam stared at me for a moment and then smiled.  “She is good, Father.”

“Yes, Adam she is.  Everything here is good.”
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